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5 Hockey Guys I Hate
October 19, 2002
Courtesy of On
The Wall
Story by: Navin
Vaswani
For the past year or so, I’ve had
a subscription to the bible of hockey, “The
Hockey News.” Let me tell you, it’s
the best newspaper out there. Sixty some-odd
pages of ONLY hockey! It doesn’t get
better than that y’all.
A couple of issues ago, I came across an
article by actor/comedian Dennis Leary,
a hockey nut himself. His piece was fabulous,
and about the five players he hates the
most in the National Hockey League.
While I was reading it I thought to myself…
“Hey I wanna write about the guys
I hate most! Damn Leary!”
Then the light bulb came on. You know,
that fake one.
“On the Wall!”
Let’s do this.
Number 5: Patrick Roy
I hate Roy. He’s got a lot of attitude.
Yeah, I admit he’s got the numbers
to back up him up. He probably is the best
goalie to ever lace ‘em up, but I can’t
stand his cockiness.
First there was that fiasco in Montreal,
when the Detroit Red Wings and then-coach
Mario Tremblay embarrassed him. Was it the
coach’s fault Roy couldn’t stop
a beach ball that night? I don’t think
so. Deal with it. Walking over to the owner
in the middle of the game and asking for
a trade was just absurd. What a baby. This
guy’s got A.D.D. or something.
Then he pulled that crap on Wayne Gretzky
and Team Canada for the 2002 Winter Olympics,
saying he wanted to focus on the NHL season.
He was actually upset about “trying
out” for the team, and not being given
the number one goaltender job.
Cry me a river.
Check the ego at the door buddy. That’s
what the Olympics were all about. He thought
he was screwing us. Well we won Olympic
Gold, and he didn’t get his hands on
the Cup. In the end, who got screwed?
That’s right. Roy sucks.
Number 4: Rob Ray
To play in the National Hockey League, you’ve
got to have an elephant sized crap load
of talent. Or so they say. Rob Ray is the
exception. I don’t think he’s
figured out if he’s right or left handed
yet, and he’s been playing pro for
ten years!
I think Ron Hextall, the goalie, has more
goals than Rob Ray.
I hate him. I hate the sight of his face.
I hate his team. Damn the Sabres. I guess
that’s his job, to get under everyone’s
skin, and he does it well, but I can’t
give him any credit, because he’s a
prick with no hockey talent.
I was at a Leafs/Sabres game last week,
thanks to a friend of mine who hooked me
up with SICK platinum seats only six rows
away from the glass. I never realized how
fun it was to see a guy get smashed into
a pane of glass.
The point is, even in the pre-season, Ray
pisses me off. He’s a jerk. Thank God
he didn’t score. If Rob Ray somehow
scores in a Leafs/Sabres game, Toronto automatically
loses. Game over. I don’t care what
the final is, because if Ray scores, that’s
it. In my mind, we’ve lost.
Hate him.
Number 3: Chris Chelios
I want to take a hockey stick, and break
it over his head. Hated him ever since his
Chicago days. I’m enraged when I see
his jersey. I want to run and drop kick
the person wearing it. Or shove a glove
in their face, just like he does.
Ok, I’m kind of lying.
I do hate him.
But I love the way he plays. It’s
true, damn it. If he were on the Leafs,
I’d adore him. I’d have a Chelios
shrine in my room. I’d bow in his presence
every morning. This man is 39, and he runs
shit! No one, and I mean no one can mess
with him. He’s a ruthless beast. He’ll
knock you down in front of the net, crush
you with a hip check, or nail you with your
head down.
The truth hurts. And the truth is Chelios
isn’t a Toronto Maple Leaf
He’s got my respect though. Anyone
who can dominate a position like he does
at his age, you’ve got to respect it.
Still hate him. Sort of…
Number 2: Bobby Clarke
Ok, he’s not a player, but he gets
more press than three quarters of the guys
in the league. This guy took too many shots
to his head during his Broad Street Bully
days in Philadelphia.
I have to admit, Clarke made the Eric Lindros
soap opera, well, into a soap opera! It
was down right comedic. Clarke just wouldn’t
trade the guy! What an ass. He bent over
backwards to screw Lindros, and he’ll
never let it go.
The Flyers go through coaches like the
Red Wings go through Stanley Cups, and everyone
knows Philly stinks because of Clarke. It’s
about time this guy got fired. I mean, two
years later, he’s still taking shots
at Lindros and his family.
Ask Clarke why the Flyers can’t score.
He’ll blame it on Lindros.
Why can’t Cechmanek stop the puck?
Somehow, in Clarke’s twisted mind,
it’ll get back to Lindros.
Why is it raining outside? Lindros. It’s
always Lindros’ fault.
Clarke’s a psycho.
Number 1: Scott Stevens
If Scott Stevens were lying on the ground
in unfathomable pain, I’d kick him.
I personally want to beat him to a pulp.
I hate the Devils and I hate Stevens. They
took out the Leafs two years in a row, and
I’ve hated both of them ever since.
This guy is like a pit bull. He needs to
be tied up. I think I’d love him if
he were a Leaf, but not like I’d love
Chelly. This prick plays dirty. He ends
careers. He goes out there, looking to end
careers. He single-handedly changed Eric
Lindros’ life. Lindros can’t play
a physical style of game anymore, because
Scott Stevens literally caused his brain
to jiggle around in his head. Jiggle!!!
He made the man’s brain JIGGLE!
Stevens is a coward. He was probably one
of those playground bullies when he was
a kid, terrorizing the little nerds of the
school. That’s what he does on the
ice. He goes after the Ron Francis’,
the Tomas Kaberle’s, and the Shane
Willis’ of the hockey world. I mean
how can these frail guys stand up to a monster
like Stevens? And when he does go after
a guy like Lindros, he throws a bow like
Ludacris.
If you’ve noticed, Stevens never drops
the gloves. Tie Domi will be in his face,
and he’ll have that smirk on his face
that makes you want to just run on the ice
and kick him.
If the Leafs and Devils ever meet in the
playoffs again, some buddies and me are
going to pull our own version of “Celtic
Pride” and kidnap his ass.
Hate the Devils. Hate Scott Stevens.
Just for the record, I do hate Curtis Joseph.
Had to throw that in there.
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